Uncomfortably Numb
by Negolith
Summary: Tag to the episode "The Seed". John volunteers for the cure, but the results are rather unexpected.


_Author's Note: Many years ago, in a tiny town that isn't nearly far enough away, I had a seizure when I was 17. Strange experience, that. I couldn't see anything (even though I was told my eyes were open), couldn't voluntarily move, couldn't speak, but I could hear everything that was said. I could even hear the odd noises I made while I was twitching away on the floor. Didn't black out until the seizure ended. Weird, weird feeling, to be trapped in total darkness, unable to move, to speak, to _respond_, but to hear your own father screw up the address as he talks to the EMT on the phone…. _

Uncomfortably Numb

John was trying really hard to remain calm, but the second they strapped his first wrist down in the heavy restraints he damn near lost it. _Oh, this is not a good sign_. "Restraints, huh?" He was surprised his voice came out only _surly_. Ronon was finishing securing his ankles, and the big guy wasn't being gentle about it. Good thing he still had his boots on for a bit of a buffer zone.

"Sorry, but I'm anticipating a severe reaction," Carson replied hoarsely, his pinched expression clearly telegraphing his concern.

"Hm. Great." _And _why_ didn't you mention this earlier?_ he wanted to say to the doc. But he said he'd do it, and he was going to see it through, damn it. For Keller's sake if anything else.

"Now, are you absolutely sure about this?"

John couldn't help but rolling his eyes a little. _No, but get on with it._

"Remember, the formula comes from Michael so as far as we know…"

"Turn me into a bug? Been there, done that." _Still have the fucking nightmares. Now, can we _please….

"Actually, I was going to say … it could kill you."

For a moment John's inner pissy commentary stopped dead and he looked at Carson. His pulse was racing now, and the faint bit of fear he saw in the man's eyes made his flight response kick into fight. He welcomed the brief stab of anger. "Just…." He bit back what he really wanted to say. "Gimme the shot." John grimaced and had to look away before the frustration of the whole situation made him say something he'd regret.

Carson must have been picking up on that, because the sigh he gave was weary beyond description. "Okay."

A moment later John felt Carson's fingers at his neck, then the cold tip of the injector. There came the hiss, and he couldn't stop a pained grunt of his own at the burning sting. And those things were supposed to be less painful than the old fashioned needles. Liars.

"Now it should just take a few minutes to kick in, so just … try to relax."

_I cannot _believe_ you just said that,_ John thought as he glared at Carson. Carson refused to look at him. "Oh, okay. I'll, I'll just relax." He surprised himself again when his words came out rather … calm, almost casual, when inside he was snapping and snarling and really wishing he could get out of the damn restraints and start beating the crap out of something. Anything. He watched Carson walk away, and it upped his urge to fight even more when the doctor – his _friend_ – didn't even glance back at him. Then Rodney was pulling him aside and he caught just part of the conversation. About Lorne and some of the others.

_Oh, crap._

Ronon stepped forward, his poker face already in place. "How do you feel?"

John glanced around as if he could spot some tangible evidence for this totally FUBAR situation. His heart was pounding, he could feel sweat starting to form in the hollow under his bottom lip, he was strapped to a damn bed in the infirmary, and he wanted to kill something. "I don't feel anything," he said, his voice starting to get a tad rough. Ronon just lowered his head and lifted one eyebrow. Yeah, he knew better that to try to bull-shit the guy. "I don't even think…." For a split second it felt like he'd touched an open wire, and every muscle gave a twitch. His breath caught at the strangeness, and he felt his heart kick into overdrive as his body reacted to the sudden adrenaline rush. Then another spasm hit, and for a second he thought he was going to puke.

And it wasn't really painful. It was just … weird as hell.

Ronon rushed forward. "Sheppard? Hey doc."

John pushed back into the pillows as more convulsions started to hit. They reminded him a little of the full body twitches that would hit when he was trying to sleep after a stressful mission, only these were dialed up to eleven. He started to speak, but one spasm made his first word a grunt. "These restraints were a good idea." And just to be sure, and while he still could, he gave them a few experimental tugs. _Yup, good and secure_.

Then his body _really_ started to rebel.

He was dimly aware of his back arching up off the bed, and he could hear the creak of the restraints, but he still couldn't … _feel_ anything. _That can't be right._

"It's working," Carson said.

John so badly wanted to reply _ya think_, but his body just would not obey. He could hear himself making noises, yes, but had absolutely no control. Then he could hear something rattling in the background and wondered where in the hell the unbalanced washing machine was.

_Wait a minute…._

"Carson? Shouldn't you be, like, putting a belt between his teeth or something?" Rodney said.

"Not now, Rodney," Carson replied. "Seizure is mild, vitals are elevated but stable."

_Seizure?_ John thought. _Damn – hope I don't piss myself._ His world at the moment was reduced to a black void, devoid of all senses except, oddly, for hearing. Wait, no – he was aware of a dull heat surrounding the numb prison that was his body. It wasn't painful, at least not as far as he could tell, but it was there. _Huh. Wonder if that's the drug working? Man, this is fucked up._

"Should he be making that sound?" This time it was Ronon, and the man sounded mildly freaked.

"Vocalizations can occur, yes." There was the sound of someone opening a drawer. "Just in case, however."

_Just in case of what? What did you get out?_ John's internal voice shouted out. _Damn it, Carson, talk to me! I can hear you! _He tried to growl in frustration, but all he could hear was that steady rattling and his own tight breaths and grunts.

A few minutes of silence passed until Carson spoke softly to someone and John wanted to scream. _Speak up, damn it!_ He needed to know his friends were still there, and for once he was really, really missing Rodney's constant, annoying, incessant, egotistical, wonderful babbling. He never thought that his _voice_ would ever be an anchor for his own, well, _sanity_. But then, the Pegasus Galaxy had changed all his perceptions of what was normal these past four plus years.

The silence continued until a loud snap interrupted John's internal litany of curses and pleas. "Oh, crap," Carson said, and John realized just how much he missed the man's lyrical pronunciation of the word. The _r_'s just rolled and added so much more to it. "His arm…."

Now a rush of pure panic flooded his mind. _That was my arm? Oh crap._

"Got it," Ronon said a second later. Then he heard the big guy grunt and the rattling seemed to quiet momentarily.

"Don't hurt him." That was Rodney.

"You want to hold him down?" Ronon growled out.

"Um, um, no. Looks like you got it covered."

_What the … I broke a restraint? Oh, man. That's gonna leave a helluva bruise._

Silence settled yet again, and occasionally Ronon's grunts of effort mixed with his over the top of that damn, annoying _rattling_. Hell, it was even worse than the monitors.

The heat had been growing all during this, and now it was actually starting to hurt enough that he was wishing the numbness from before would return.

"Carson? His blood pressure…."

"I see it. He's still within parameters."

_Jesus – when is this going to end?_ John thought as he heard bodies shift. And a second later Rodney echoed his words.

"For God's sake, Carson – how much is this going to go on for?" Rodney sounded absolutely miserable, and John tried even harder to speak and reassure his friend, but nothing would come out.

"I'm sorry, Rodney, I have no idea." Carson sounded equally miserable as well.

The heat was now starting to override his sense of hearing, but underneath that he could still hear the monitors, and their beat was starting to scare him. He'd spent enough time in the infirmary to know that was never a good thing.

Then, thank God, the rattling stopped. But he only got a second to enjoy that before everything truly went black.

_End Note: Yeah, didn't go the agonizing pain route - I thought this was infinitely creepier. Besides, he had to get up and save Keller. ._


End file.
